Do You Parent as a Hireling? Or a Shepherd?

“Jesus is the good shepherd. He laid down his life for the sheep. However, the hireling (hired hand) is not the shepherd. (It’s easy to distinguish these two by how they each care for the sheep.) The hireling does not own the sheep, therefore, when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The hireling runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep” (John 10:11-13).

What a great example for parents to pay attention to. Jesus is our model to follow. How He cares for us is exactly how we are to care for our children. However, numerous parents today act more like the hireling instead of the loving shepherd God has called them to be.

Let’s unpack this passage and learn what the Spirit of God is trying to tell each of us that call ourselves parents. What did Jesus do? He laid down His life for His sheep. This means He gave His all even when His all screamed “I want out – pass this cup from Me!” When times were tough and the calling became a wounded fate, Jesus pressed into the sheep with more love instead of retreating and giving up. Why? Because His love for His flock was far greater than His comfort and personal satisfaction. After all, Jesus came to do the will of God and to finish His work. God’s will and work is LOVE. The greatest love a parent can demonstrate to their children is TO LAY ASIDE THEIR OWN DESIRES AND PICK UP THE DESIRES OF THOSE IN THEIR CARE.  Isn't the calling for each of us to “not look to our own interest but to look to the interests of others?” (Phil. 2:4). Aren't we to have the mindset of Christ?

Now let’s look at the hireling. We discover that he does not own the sheep, meaning he has no investment of the sheep in his care. And when fear of danger comes, he cares for #1 – himself. Sadly, the whole flock in his care scatters in fear. They suddenly lack direction and have no plan for how to live without the hireling who was to lead them. The hireling is a deadbeat leader. All he produces is sloth.

Parents, if you have come to the conclusion that it’s time to give up on your children, then you have chosen your desires over theirs. Yes, parenting is hard. It is harder for some than others. Just ask my mom – after all, she did raise me and I assure you, I was no picnic to raise. Nevertheless, she never gave up and I am a fully devoted follower of Jesus as a result – I am one that not only has a place in heaven but also one who is committed to doing the will of God and finishing His calling on my life. This innate desire to follow God all the way in every way was not instilled in me by a hireling of a parent – my mother was/is one who imitates her Savior. I have greatly benefited from her commitment to Jesus.

Having four children of my own has also brought many challenges in my life.  These challenges have served to make me holy not happy. True joy has been found in obeying and seeking the Lord’s ways instead of pursuing immediate relief from trials. I do understand the difficulties of parenting, but I also understand being the child who needed a parent to love me the way Jesus loves His sheep.

Giving up is letting our children down. Doing whatever it takes to support them is letting our children go. The greatest love a parent can give their child is perseverance and endurance. As parents we have been discharged with training our children in the way they should go. Did Jesus say this would be easy? No, He said in this world we will have trouble. But He has overcome the world. His way is the only means to true success. His way is an intentional act of love. Giving up on our children thwarts and disobeys God’s command to train our children in the way they should go. Giving up eventually kills our children’s hope and their future. It murders any possible lasting relationship a parent can have with them. Countless parents take this route to give up. Unfortunately, this pattern of giving up has left our society with volumes of young adults wondering through life without purpose and support. As a result of this poor parenting model, our society is missing the untapped talent and contribution these young adults can endow to a dying world. What a dishonor to these young adults and a disservice to our society!

Our position as Christian is marked by how we love. If we are living a life that dishonors our children and refuses to bear their burdens and persevere for them until they can stand on their own two feet, have we not left our first love? Yes, indeed we have! Living a life of love is not embracing good feelings and comfort for self – it’s living a life of hard choices, endurance and sacrifice. All three benefits the other party and usually require a detriment to ourselves.

Parents, we are called to be a drink offering and a sacrifice that develops faith in our children. “Love…does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking…it keeps no record of wrongs…it always perseveres…love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).